I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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