Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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