nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
