I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
