I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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