I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
