Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
