apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
