found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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