This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
