btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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