So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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