well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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