he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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