Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
