2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
