Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
