I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need water and some morals
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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