I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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