I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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