it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There's always time for handjobs
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
