I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
