remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he was CRYING into my vagina
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
