We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
