i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
