if i can run in heels then i can drive
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
