I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
