We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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