guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
