i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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