Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
