You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
