I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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