I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
