a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Operation Purity has been aborted
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
