whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
