Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
