I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
