I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
