Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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