What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
