You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
