you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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