but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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