Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
