Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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