You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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