2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
