It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
