alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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