grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
