I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
