i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
