it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
