He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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