I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
