Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
