Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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