Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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