whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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